3 posts tagged “drama”

The other day I was on my livejournal, I normally don't notice comments on my page unless I check my hotmail account...which is hardly ever. I found one that made me cry. Some person created a journal and he/she goes around and posts on people's LJ's pictures that just say "You Are Beautiful". It amazes me sometimes what three simple words can do to turn a day all around. It amazes me what words can do to make the greatest day go to the worst day in a matter of seconds.

It saddens me when people are not open to others in their life. I went to a baby shower today and we were discussing dorm life and how everyone there hated it...I was the only one who loved it. Because of the socialness and the community aspect. How can you not be open to having/making new friends? Does it really take that much effort to walk up to someone and say hello? Sometimes I feel like people consider friendship a job...something that needs to be worked for and worked at to be maintained. That the rewards in the end are much better than a job could ever offer. How can you look at it that way? Do you need to be rewarded for being friends with a person? Shouldn't the love one gives another friend be enough? I'm questioning alot lately and I suppose one of those things is my "role" as a friend.

I called up my best friend today because we hadn't talked in awhile. Apparently we had not talked in a really long time. College changes things. A lot of things. College changes people. Being here and away from pretty much everyone again...being in yet another different environment, making completley new friends, has changed me once again. I've come to realize that that whole drinking lifestyle and partying thing doesn't go well with me. It clashes with alot of things in my life, and the main thing that it clashes with is how I've been raised.

People have made me question things about myself...
How deep of a person am I really? Am I really as "vapid and empty" as one thinks? Do I really value my morals or is that just how I've been raised? Is my faith really that important to me, or is that just something that I grasp onto in time of need? How good of a friend am I? When I say I'm there for someone, am I actually there or am I just 'all talk'? Is this really how I want to live my life? Is this really what I'm meant to be doing at this stage in my life? Am I bitter against certain individuals? Am I really that 'bitch' that people have been calling me? Am I in love? Do I love life, or is it just easier to laugh and smile instead of showing how I really feel? Is my smile actually genuine or a cover up? Why do I end up pushing away people/guys after they get to know me? What really is wrong with me as a person? When people point out my flaws, do I just go and hide them or deny them? Or do I take them into consideration and say I'll change them? Do I actually attempt to change them or am I just 'all talk'? Do I put others down just to make myself feel better? Do I cause drama because I thrive off of it or because I really want to know the answers to my questions? Do I actually really love drama or do I partake in it because it's all I know?

It took me so long to find out who I was in high school, I didn't realize that I was actually happy with myself until the end of my junior year and to start that search all over again is exhausting. That's a lot of questions about myself that I will probably never be able to answer.

...

Now that that entry went to something that I didn't expect, I need to go to bed. I have bio test tomorrow and all that fun stuff. I may just add onto this sometime. Who knows. I enjoy this vox journal...no one knows about it, and yet anyone can see it. I have a link in my IM profile, but that doesn't mean people actually click it. So here's to you...you are beautiful.

No one is alone, the way you are Alone.

I don't really have that much to write about besides another amazing concert. On Wednesday night I went to go see Jack's Mannequin for the second time this year. The last time I saw them was at Summerfest and it was when it stormed and hailed. It didn't matter to us though, we stood out in the rain and hail to meet the man that is one of my heros.

All of my friends hold a special place for Andrew McMahon in our hearts...not only because he was/is the lead singer of one of our favorite bands (Something Corporate) but he was also diagnosed with Acute Lymphatic Leaukemia back in the end of June. I suppose all fans are the same way about it, we were all saddened and were praying that he fought it and survived. All fans were hit with the same sadness but for anyone who had a friend or relative be diagnosed with cancer, it hit a little closer to home. For me and my friends it hit even harder because after hearing that news, 2 weeks later I got the call that my friend Mike had been diagnosed with Angeosarcoma on his heart. Andrew and Mike were fighting a battle that was beyond something that I could ever imagine. There was one difference, Andrew survived, Mike didn't. I suppose it may sound corney and overly emotional...but whenever I look at Andrew, I always know Mike is closeby. Maybe because he was a fan also; who knows.

On July 9th Andrew took his last pill and was cured of cancer. He survived partially because his sister Katie gave him a stem cell transplant...he wrote a song for her that has only been played live in concert about 5 times. On Wednesday night, he played it for the Milwaukee crowd. My friend Katie and I just looked at each other and had tears in our eyes (okay okay...we cried, Katie moreso bawled). It was one of those moments in a concert that you will never forget, and always remember.

So enough about that...the concert was amazing and I will surely go back if Jack's ever comes back again (but I'm kind of hoping the next time I see Andrew McMahon, it is with Something Corporate...I'm just bias, ha). If I see Andrew one more time it will put him up with Hanson to the amount of times I've seen them live.

As far as life is concerned, it's going! I finally got to meet all 22 of my mentees 2 weeks ago. They are AWESOME! Their energy just makes me smile even more so than I already do, and I feel so lucky to have gotten a group that flows well together. I'm ecstatic for this upcoming semester because of them. (I'm sure some of them may end up reading this, so I won't name favorites! :P)

And now I am off to go do some homework or something to that extent.

"There's gonna be some things in life that are going to make it hard for you to smile, but through all you see, all the rain and all the pain, you have to keep your sense of humor and keep on smiling."

So college is officially in session. *breathes* I'm sitting around because I have another 2 hours before my first 'class' of the day. The first class that I actually get credit for taking starts at 2:15; but my new student seminar class meets at 1:10.

Drama has consumed my life for the past 2 days and I, for once, am not happy with being a drama queen. The day before classes started I had enough drama to last me my entire year. I was the cause of most of it, and the damage had been done weeks ago but I had just found out about it that day. Needless to say, I've moved on from it and although it hurt, I'm done with giving it any of my attention. I've 'gotten rid' of my toxic friends (someone who, after spending time with them, makes you feel bad about yourself instead of good; someone who tends to be critical of you -- sometimes in a subtle way and sometimes not so subtle; a friend who drains you emotionally, financially, or mentally, and they're not very good for you.)

As far as classes go...it will be a challenging semester. Most definetley. Biology and Cross Culture Communications being two of my hardest classes. But I'm set on my goals, and I will succeed.

Okay, I got majorly distracted by talking to people. I am off to go read up on social problems for my class at 2:15.