She smiled in a big way

The other day I was on my livejournal, I normally don't notice comments on my page unless I check my hotmail account...which is hardly ever. I found one that made me cry. Some person created a journal and he/she goes around and posts on people's LJ's pictures that just say "You Are Beautiful". It amazes me sometimes what three simple words can do to turn a day all around. It amazes me what words can do to make the greatest day go to the worst day in a matter of seconds.

It saddens me when people are not open to others in their life. I went to a baby shower today and we were discussing dorm life and how everyone there hated it...I was the only one who loved it. Because of the socialness and the community aspect. How can you not be open to having/making new friends? Does it really take that much effort to walk up to someone and say hello? Sometimes I feel like people consider friendship a job...something that needs to be worked for and worked at to be maintained. That the rewards in the end are much better than a job could ever offer. How can you look at it that way? Do you need to be rewarded for being friends with a person? Shouldn't the love one gives another friend be enough? I'm questioning alot lately and I suppose one of those things is my "role" as a friend.

I called up my best friend today because we hadn't talked in awhile. Apparently we had not talked in a really long time. College changes things. A lot of things. College changes people. Being here and away from pretty much everyone again...being in yet another different environment, making completley new friends, has changed me once again. I've come to realize that that whole drinking lifestyle and partying thing doesn't go well with me. It clashes with alot of things in my life, and the main thing that it clashes with is how I've been raised.

People have made me question things about myself...
How deep of a person am I really? Am I really as "vapid and empty" as one thinks? Do I really value my morals or is that just how I've been raised? Is my faith really that important to me, or is that just something that I grasp onto in time of need? How good of a friend am I? When I say I'm there for someone, am I actually there or am I just 'all talk'? Is this really how I want to live my life? Is this really what I'm meant to be doing at this stage in my life? Am I bitter against certain individuals? Am I really that 'bitch' that people have been calling me? Am I in love? Do I love life, or is it just easier to laugh and smile instead of showing how I really feel? Is my smile actually genuine or a cover up? Why do I end up pushing away people/guys after they get to know me? What really is wrong with me as a person? When people point out my flaws, do I just go and hide them or deny them? Or do I take them into consideration and say I'll change them? Do I actually attempt to change them or am I just 'all talk'? Do I put others down just to make myself feel better? Do I cause drama because I thrive off of it or because I really want to know the answers to my questions? Do I actually really love drama or do I partake in it because it's all I know?

It took me so long to find out who I was in high school, I didn't realize that I was actually happy with myself until the end of my junior year and to start that search all over again is exhausting. That's a lot of questions about myself that I will probably never be able to answer.

...

Now that that entry went to something that I didn't expect, I need to go to bed. I have bio test tomorrow and all that fun stuff. I may just add onto this sometime. Who knows. I enjoy this vox journal...no one knows about it, and yet anyone can see it. I have a link in my IM profile, but that doesn't mean people actually click it. So here's to you...you are beautiful.

No one is alone, the way you are Alone.