Sandy

It has been far too long since I updated this blog. I've successfully completed my fall semester of my junior year. But I can't breathe yet. And I won't until probably mid-March.

I have the amazing opportunity next semester study overseas in Ireland.

How many people get the chance to study abroad? Not that many. I have been looking for something to set me apart from the rest of applicants in job interviews because let's face it...Shopko and a movie theatre job just won't get me a job at an advertising firm. I suppose it's all how you play it...but still. I wanted that step up; and I finally have the chance.

But this entire experience does not come without its doubts. A year ago is when I started thinking about studying overseas. I was so set on the idea; but this last semester I have gained so many new friendships, and I have been dating my boyfriend for 8+ months now. I never took into account how much I could miss a little town called Whitewater and the people in it.

I have no doubt in my mind that they will all be there when I get back, the doubt about this all is am I going to be able to handle leaving them all for four months? I just have to keep telling myself that it will be over before I know it. That the experience will last a lifetime, and that next semester I will be making so many new friends and will be crying over leaving all them after I've only known them for four months.

So here I am at 1:15am...I've officially moved out of 301 Fischer Hall for the last time in my life. It's held a lot of great memories, and it kind of makes me sad that someone else will be living there next semester; but I'm looking forward to living in my apartment next year with Becca. I'm looking forward to living in my first ever apartment, which will be in Ireland with Melanie and Danelle. I'm looking forward to so many things that I can't help but get excited every time I think about it; yet there are times where I cuddle up next to Tom and just want to cry because I know I'm going to be leaving him in a little over a month. That I'll be missing our one year anniversary and valentine's day. That I won't be here for Phi Mu Alpha's formal, I won't be here for Zeta Phi Eta's formal, I won't be here for the nursing home, and a lot of the residents there that I know and love may not still be alive when I come back in Fall 2008. I'll be missing out on so much in Whitewater; but I will be living it up in Ireland.

There's so much waiting for me in the future, yet I dwell on the past all too often. I really think that's going to be my one new years resolution...so not dwell so much on the past, but look to the future. Because it's bright...and going to be one of the most amazing experiences of my life.

So that's it. That's my update. This is me writing down all my random thoughts. I think it's time for me to go to bed because I have a long day ahead of me tomorrow. So...

Good Night.

Simple things that make me smile...

* When PostSecret posts their post by midnight on Saturday so I can check it before I go to bed.
* Driving my mom's convertiable with the top down on a sunny day
* When a boy makes me giggle
* Watching the snow fall in a warm room with hot chocolate
* Walking outside when it first starts to snow and it just starting to build up.
* Getting mail from old hostees/friends/vistors online via averageangel
* Waking up in the morning and blasting my music
* Walking past old friends/boyfriends when you look your best/hot (oh you know you enjoy doing it girls!)
* When people send random text messages saying "I Love You"/call me randomly to catch up
* When people leave good away messages up about me (yes, it has happend in the past! :P)
* My mentees (er...I should say ex-mentees)
* Riding on a plane
* Listening to the Milwaukee Symphony Orchestra play Ode To Joy live at the PAC
* Ice skating at Red Arrow Park
* Being in the middle of a concert, in the middle of a crowd, and just feeling the energy around me
* Helping out at my mom's 6th grade band camp
* Going to work every Saturday (even if I say I don't want to go, once I get there, I always want to be there.)
* Nutrolls
*Using to the third sink (only a few people understand :P)
* When I get a new comment/message on myspace or facebook
* Hearing from old friends from high school
* Working out
* Walking around campus with my mp3 player on, jamming to a song and smiling
* Driving and rocking out to some awesome music, singing along and tapping my foot (not on the gas pedal though :P)
* Getting dressed up
* Random Hugs
* Finishing a scrapbook page, and having people look at my scrapbook complimenting me on all the hours (if not days) I've put into it.
* Getting that letter of 'acceptance'
* Getting back from the Nursing Home, having a feeling of love and goodness in my heart
* Going out to my Grandparents house and watching my family play Sheepshead
* My Grandma Shirley's chocolate cake
* Looking back at old livejournal entries to see how much I've grown
* Being able to look at the past and present and being happy with where I am
* Seeing my favorite band(s) in concert
* When people that I've only met twice comes and visits me at school
* When people make me feel special/loved
* Getting a single flower for nothing special...just that I'm sick.
* When people call me right away to tell me something that happened and tell me that I'm the first to know this big news
* Random nights that turn out to be so much fun.
* Dancing like an idiot with a group of good friends.
* Baking cookies and sharing them with everyone just to spread some cheer/smiles
* Getting into clean sheets/a freshly made bed/pulling my comforter out of the dryer
* Someone telling me I'm beautiful and meaning it
* Recording a tv show so that we can fast forward through the commericals

To Be Continued...
I thought it was a nice way to end tonight...with a smile on my face.

To become full you may need to first become empty.

My title for the link to this blog is always "Here's To New Beginnings." I thought it applied even more so now that it's a new year. I rung in the new year with a few girls from Whitewater and their boyfriends. I was the only single one there, and although I was upset towards the beginning of the night, as soon as everyone kissed their respective partner, I realized that I really shouldn't be upset about the fact that I am single.

New Years resolutions are always something people do and I typically try them, but never really succeed. Besides the typical 'loose weight' resolution, I'm doing the whole 'stop biting my lips' thing (instead of my nails, I bite my lips when I'm bored - it's a horrible habit.) But that seems so insignificant compared to the others.

First off, I've always been a gossip queen. Always have, and as the saying goes, always will be. But this year I'm making an attempt to stop spreading it. I usually hear a ton of stuff from people and then, out of habit, go and tell someone else about it when that person really should not be hearing it from me, or really doesn't care. I can hear all about the drama as much as I want; but I'm going to make a honest effort to just shut up for once.

Secondly, I'm a bitch. Flat out. I treat those I care about like crap sometimes, I butt heads with people that I love and then end up screaming at them. I make any situation about myself, and even if it has nothing to do with myself, I try to make it about me. One of the quotes that I posted a few posts ago was from the movie The Last Kiss that said "What you feel only matters to you. It's what you do to the people you say you love thats what matters. That's the only thing that counts." I really need to make sure that those that I really do care about stay in my life, and that I start treating them with more respect and love. It's all about my actions. I can say that I love a person as much as I want, but if I act differently towards them, their opinions of me may be different.

Thirdly, be positive. I only get one life to live and instead of looking at things in a negative point of view, why not view things differently? It shouldn't be too hard since I do really have a good outlook on life...but my attitudes sometimes faulter. If someone says something negativly about me, who cares? Or, as another quote said (I'm a quote junkie, what can I say?): "Why be concerned with things you have no control over? What good is it to worry when you never really know what's going to happen, tomorrow is just another day you'll find your way you'll be okay, you just have to learn to let go."

And lastly: ENJOY BEING SINGLE! As simple as that. It's not like I've lost anything from being single, nor have I really gained anything. I guess I was just sick and tired of being single from high school; and I was afraid that I'd go back into a spell of years of being without someone. But in the end, who cares? I'm going to study abroad in a year and I don't know if I'd be able to handle the distance, and there's just so many things that factor into a relationship that I really don't have time, nor do I want to really, deal with. So here I am. Positive and Single.

A new semester/major awaits me when I get back to Whitewater, along with a new job, and so many new oppourtunities that I don't even know about. So here's to a brand new year, and brand new new beginnings!

I'm addicted to the website postsecert.com and every week I find myself relating to at least one secret. I think this weeks applies to this post:

Postsecret

Some things really surprise. Fortunatley, this did not. :D

I have to go to class, though.

Live. Laugh. Love

I swear that I have had the best/worst mood swing today ever.

After my 3:30 class I was just out for the count. Depressed about certain things, just not happy with myself, and all I wanted to do was curl up in a little ball and cry (I hate it when boys have that affect on you!). Instead, Jojo^2 (Joanne and Joelle) and I went to Walmart to pick up some stuff and then headed to Drumlin for dinner. It got my mind off of things and I was happy to be with two girls that make me laugh and smile. It was a night of happiness from there.

Joanne and I went and worked out. There's just this sense of accomplishment that I feel after working out. I then was able to come back and take a quick shower, dry my hair, watch parts of Laguna Beach and then Joelle and I headed down to the basement. The 4th Floor Boys have created their own Iron Chef cook off. It was awesome and it was such a great time. Being surrounded by everyone and just having everyone joke around and smile and laugh. It was just what I wanted and needed. I go from hating living in Fischer, to loving it so much. The molesting/conga line in the kitchen, getting into a towel snapping/drum stick fight with Randy, Alex being granted the rights to my boobs, just everything made me giggle. That's one thing I love...is when I can say that I giggled. As childish as the word sounds, it always makes me feel good inside.

I need to head to bed though...I don't have class till 1:10, but I'm not 'allowed' to sleep past 11 because Joanne gets back from class and wakes me up. So good night to you all.

I'll be the first to admit it...life has been good to me latley! This week has been one of the best I've had in a long time, and it's supposdly midterms week! I suppose it was because I started off my week with doing a nursing home visit and meeting Warren McGee. An elder man at a local nursing home that Joanne and I had the blessing of meeting. It's just so weird that you can go into someone's room and sit and talk about mashed potatoes and they'll enjoy every minute of the conversation. I came back from that experience feeling fullfilled, and then we returned again Wednesday to visit again. He made sure to tell us that he appreciated us coming and talking with him. At the end of the night I went to give him a hug because he was going to be going back home on that Friday which means I would have never see him again. He gave both Joanne and I a kiss on the cheek. It's just amazing how someone can walk into your life, make such an impact and then walk right back out within a matter of three days. I think that Joanne and I both were touched by his love for his wife and his personality in general. We're going to continue doing the nursing home visits on Wednesday nights.

Tuesday was a great day because all my speech classes were cancelled, so all I had was bio and the lecture ended up only lasting 10 minutes because of technical difficulties. Not to mention during that time I got a call from Jason. I found it weird because I hadn't heard from him since he left for FL at the end of August. He was in town for a few hours. I was like a little kid on a sugar high! I walked around campus with this huge smile on my face that I could not get off! When I heard his voice in the stairwell, I got even more excited. Granted I only got to see him for 20 minutes, it made my day complete. Not to mention on my way to the McGraw computer lab, it started to snow. Just flurries, but enough that I had tears in my eyes. Mike added to my day of happiness by doing that. There were a few other things that added my day that made me happy...got to see a few people that I haven't seen in awhile and it made me realize some things.

I made cupcakes yesterday and it brought cheer to a bunch of people's days. I just went around handing out cupcakes. I love baking and it makes me feel less stressed. Just sitting in that kitchen brought back so many memories, and it made me smile.

It looks like next year, spring semester I will be studying abroad in Switzerland. I am scared out of my mind, but at the same time am SO excited. I'm looking into being a RA for first semester - so keep your fingers crossed for me!

I have a lot to be thankful for and I thank God everyday for blessing me with everything in my life. My friends are really amazing and I miss all my old friends (Tara, Jess, Liz - you three are missed like CRAZY). "I no doubt deserve my enemies, but I don't believe I deserve my friends."

It is off to put laundry away and clean up my side of the room because everything is everywhere.

The other day I was on my livejournal, I normally don't notice comments on my page unless I check my hotmail account...which is hardly ever. I found one that made me cry. Some person created a journal and he/she goes around and posts on people's LJ's pictures that just say "You Are Beautiful". It amazes me sometimes what three simple words can do to turn a day all around. It amazes me what words can do to make the greatest day go to the worst day in a matter of seconds.

It saddens me when people are not open to others in their life. I went to a baby shower today and we were discussing dorm life and how everyone there hated it...I was the only one who loved it. Because of the socialness and the community aspect. How can you not be open to having/making new friends? Does it really take that much effort to walk up to someone and say hello? Sometimes I feel like people consider friendship a job...something that needs to be worked for and worked at to be maintained. That the rewards in the end are much better than a job could ever offer. How can you look at it that way? Do you need to be rewarded for being friends with a person? Shouldn't the love one gives another friend be enough? I'm questioning alot lately and I suppose one of those things is my "role" as a friend.

I called up my best friend today because we hadn't talked in awhile. Apparently we had not talked in a really long time. College changes things. A lot of things. College changes people. Being here and away from pretty much everyone again...being in yet another different environment, making completley new friends, has changed me once again. I've come to realize that that whole drinking lifestyle and partying thing doesn't go well with me. It clashes with alot of things in my life, and the main thing that it clashes with is how I've been raised.

People have made me question things about myself...
How deep of a person am I really? Am I really as "vapid and empty" as one thinks? Do I really value my morals or is that just how I've been raised? Is my faith really that important to me, or is that just something that I grasp onto in time of need? How good of a friend am I? When I say I'm there for someone, am I actually there or am I just 'all talk'? Is this really how I want to live my life? Is this really what I'm meant to be doing at this stage in my life? Am I bitter against certain individuals? Am I really that 'bitch' that people have been calling me? Am I in love? Do I love life, or is it just easier to laugh and smile instead of showing how I really feel? Is my smile actually genuine or a cover up? Why do I end up pushing away people/guys after they get to know me? What really is wrong with me as a person? When people point out my flaws, do I just go and hide them or deny them? Or do I take them into consideration and say I'll change them? Do I actually attempt to change them or am I just 'all talk'? Do I put others down just to make myself feel better? Do I cause drama because I thrive off of it or because I really want to know the answers to my questions? Do I actually really love drama or do I partake in it because it's all I know?

It took me so long to find out who I was in high school, I didn't realize that I was actually happy with myself until the end of my junior year and to start that search all over again is exhausting. That's a lot of questions about myself that I will probably never be able to answer.

...

Now that that entry went to something that I didn't expect, I need to go to bed. I have bio test tomorrow and all that fun stuff. I may just add onto this sometime. Who knows. I enjoy this vox journal...no one knows about it, and yet anyone can see it. I have a link in my IM profile, but that doesn't mean people actually click it. So here's to you...you are beautiful.

No one is alone, the way you are Alone.

"What you feel only matters to you. It's what you do to the people you say you love thats what matters. That's the only thing that counts."

So I just got back from seeing the movie "The Last Kiss" with Zach Braff. It was a good movie, in my opinion (although the people I went with may disgaree with me). I just needed to cry, and some of the things in it just brought me to tears.

That quote brought up a lot of things in me. I've only just come to realize that I really do treat people that I like & love horribly. I make fun of them (even though I think they can take the teasing), I have a tendency to make things revolve around me, I complain alot to get my way and if I don't get my way I 'pout'. I feed into gossip and lies; it's what my high school life revolved around. I can portray myself as this selfless person to everyone and that I care about everything, but once people get to know me they don't neccessarily like what they find and then they leave me/my life. That's pathetic. Am I really as two faced as I'm sitting here saying?

My best friends and those around me know how to 'handle' me when I'm in my moods. They know not to feed into it and to just leave me be...but what if a person doesn't know? I suppose as time goes on, people get to know the real person inside but my problem is, I'm really not liking that person inside.

So it's time to change.

I'm not doing this for anyone specific, even though some people were the ones who really made me see this within myself...I'm doing this for me. I would never change who I am for anyone besides myself.

Where did I go wrong I lost a friend somewhere along in the bitterness, and I would have stayed up with you all night had I known, How To Save A Life.

I don't really have that much to write about besides another amazing concert. On Wednesday night I went to go see Jack's Mannequin for the second time this year. The last time I saw them was at Summerfest and it was when it stormed and hailed. It didn't matter to us though, we stood out in the rain and hail to meet the man that is one of my heros.

All of my friends hold a special place for Andrew McMahon in our hearts...not only because he was/is the lead singer of one of our favorite bands (Something Corporate) but he was also diagnosed with Acute Lymphatic Leaukemia back in the end of June. I suppose all fans are the same way about it, we were all saddened and were praying that he fought it and survived. All fans were hit with the same sadness but for anyone who had a friend or relative be diagnosed with cancer, it hit a little closer to home. For me and my friends it hit even harder because after hearing that news, 2 weeks later I got the call that my friend Mike had been diagnosed with Angeosarcoma on his heart. Andrew and Mike were fighting a battle that was beyond something that I could ever imagine. There was one difference, Andrew survived, Mike didn't. I suppose it may sound corney and overly emotional...but whenever I look at Andrew, I always know Mike is closeby. Maybe because he was a fan also; who knows.

On July 9th Andrew took his last pill and was cured of cancer. He survived partially because his sister Katie gave him a stem cell transplant...he wrote a song for her that has only been played live in concert about 5 times. On Wednesday night, he played it for the Milwaukee crowd. My friend Katie and I just looked at each other and had tears in our eyes (okay okay...we cried, Katie moreso bawled). It was one of those moments in a concert that you will never forget, and always remember.

So enough about that...the concert was amazing and I will surely go back if Jack's ever comes back again (but I'm kind of hoping the next time I see Andrew McMahon, it is with Something Corporate...I'm just bias, ha). If I see Andrew one more time it will put him up with Hanson to the amount of times I've seen them live.

As far as life is concerned, it's going! I finally got to meet all 22 of my mentees 2 weeks ago. They are AWESOME! Their energy just makes me smile even more so than I already do, and I feel so lucky to have gotten a group that flows well together. I'm ecstatic for this upcoming semester because of them. (I'm sure some of them may end up reading this, so I won't name favorites! :P)

And now I am off to go do some homework or something to that extent.

"There's gonna be some things in life that are going to make it hard for you to smile, but through all you see, all the rain and all the pain, you have to keep your sense of humor and keep on smiling."

So college is officially in session. *breathes* I'm sitting around because I have another 2 hours before my first 'class' of the day. The first class that I actually get credit for taking starts at 2:15; but my new student seminar class meets at 1:10.

Drama has consumed my life for the past 2 days and I, for once, am not happy with being a drama queen. The day before classes started I had enough drama to last me my entire year. I was the cause of most of it, and the damage had been done weeks ago but I had just found out about it that day. Needless to say, I've moved on from it and although it hurt, I'm done with giving it any of my attention. I've 'gotten rid' of my toxic friends (someone who, after spending time with them, makes you feel bad about yourself instead of good; someone who tends to be critical of you -- sometimes in a subtle way and sometimes not so subtle; a friend who drains you emotionally, financially, or mentally, and they're not very good for you.)

As far as classes go...it will be a challenging semester. Most definetley. Biology and Cross Culture Communications being two of my hardest classes. But I'm set on my goals, and I will succeed.

Okay, I got majorly distracted by talking to people. I am off to go read up on social problems for my class at 2:15.